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Looking after ourselves

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

Omg I am so worried I have just seen a photo of the woman my son2 is having a internet relationship with and she is gorgeous ..... I am so worried it is a scam and he will be asked for money etc. He will be devestated. It will crush him and all I can do is give him hints to protect himself and be there to pick up the pieces if I am right.....

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

My Home Phone (Landline) was Out of Order (due to NBN) for at least 1 hour, tonight.

I find that stressful & rather Isolating.

NBN Landline phones now Only Work when plugged through Modem - doesn't work plugged straight into phone line Socket.

Modem needs power, No power during Blackouts - So No Phone Line.

I had to Reboot the Modem Several Times (each takes at least 15 minutes) - Before Phone Line finally came back on, after about 60 minutes.

When a Major Charity came knocking (twice in 30 minutes) - They told me how they phone their Elderly Clients daily, to check-in on them. If the person does not answer their phone, the Charity people go around to visit & check on them in person.

I tried to tell them how no-one phones me, not even once a week - To check on me, no one visits me either. I am more isolated than their Elderly Clients are.

I could do with their Services, although I'm perhaps not old enough to qualify.

The Charity people (both of them), totally ignored my telling them that no-one phones or visits me.

They did not want to know - They only wanted me to Give them $$ Money.

I am not earning enough to Pay my Weekly Bills, I could not Give them any $$.

Adge

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

Around midnight. I've had all-nighters the last two nights. As has so often been the case in the all-nighter manifestation of insomnia in me, I cannot sleep until dawn is near. As soon as the first bird sounds and the night sky starts to get that lighter blue light, I know I will mostly likely be able to sleep then.

 

I have started a new anti-depressant and feel more fragile than usual while it is slowly starting to do it's thing, meds changes bringing instability of brain chemistry. I will not jynx it by going on to many thoughts about that. Just have to go ahead with it and see what happens. I've felt painfully unstable mood-wise a lot over about the past six months, with some good patches.

 

Finding myself lately spilling my guts in public. Like tonight, suddenly letting go about my anxiety, work dysfunctionality, many breakdowns and bipolar at my friend's house to someone I know only through friends and occasionally. He's a minister of a religion but also a bit of a rascal, from my impressions. He was incredibly kind though when I finished my 'confession', my voice shaky, tears not far away.

 

It left me feeling so vulnerable afterwards, that I can suddenly burst my emotional banks like that with people I hardly know. My bank-burst tonight was fully audible to my friend's brother as well, cooking in the kitchen. A part of me wondered if my heart had opened to that minister in some way I found unfamiliar and scary. Open your heart, risk pain. Couldn't have hoped for a better reaction, but still feel raw.

 

It's a point of self-esteem in me that I try to make the most of the social joy I can find, whatever small bit of enjoyment I can find anywhere, to fly in the face of the gravitational free-falling into my own emotions, which I sometimes do anyway, usually always at home. But when I get out of the home, I give a friendly face to people if I can do it, which is fairly often. I struggle to get out of the home though, struggle to find the energy to meet that enactment, I guess, and often feel very tired after appointments etc.

 

Nonetheless I have become someone who now smiles easily at strangers at bus stops sometimes, while fearing them on the inside, that they could hurt me if they knew who I really am in detail. I find it easier to do with strangers because what have I got to lose, they will never get to know more about me than I seem to them. It's when people start to know more about me I can get really afraid. It takes me a long time to be really feel safe with new friends, if I ever really do.

 

On the other hand, my efforts at being confident and easygoing in public actually works well to maximise good feelings with and about other people, perhaps giving me a sense of belonging with them. Me who has felt an outsider pretty much all my life, and have found that chronically painful, even torturing at times.

 

I was an actor in my teens to early 20s and really loved being characters other than myself. It helped me get over near-complete shyness with people from a very early age, so awkward in myself, high anxiety, didn't know what to say, really painful. Falling randomly into acting woke me up to a bright spirit in me from a time when I had felt pretty fully miserable at every moment, half dead I felt especially in the years around my mid-teens leading up to that.

 

Perhaps it's acting the social persona I have developed over decades now - I feel it helps me and others. Those others I feel are all beautiful at some level, and who I generally feel respect and goodwill just for being fellow humans. Even after the pain at not connecting with the large body of them, and feeling too roughly treated and viewed, so often.

 

But I've been a shocking b*tch many times too, while still feeling pain and excrutiating sensitivity inside. My social persona feels like some kind of redemption, especially since I like acting!

 

Weird, hey?

 

Of course it's also about pride, of which I have plenty, for good or bad.

 

Even when I meander along with different and sometimes contradictory ideas, writing seems to pacify and clarify things for me while mostly not providing any answers in a way. I almost like this as I'm not sure there are answers for what I'm asking.

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

Just so hurt I have no one who cares about me. No one who is there for me to cry on. No one there I can lean on or ask adivice from. No one who would worry if I wasn't around. No one to give me advice or be by myside to support me or protect me. Just no one who cares.

my heyart huerts 

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

"My nerves are shot to pieces" is something I used to hear my dad say a lot 40-50 years ago in my childhood. I must have inherited this overwired nervous system from him. My mum is also highly sensitive, nervy, anxious.

 

Right now I am feeling it in my body. My ears are ringing loud with the pulsing tinnitus I have 24/7, hot tension in my shoulders, neck, base of skull. The tinnitus is not always this loud, fortunately and I am not always this overwired.

 

Even as I write, I can feel my body relaxing and the tinnitus is much less loud. Writing personal reveries is often therapeutic this way. It is probably a big part of why I write so much.

 

Now the writing has really settled the nervous madness and I no longer feel so out of control of the frightening surge of hot electrical energy building up inside me since I woke up this morning. That will change again, no doubt, but for now I'm grateful for this space to write these words to myself and to feel more at peace.

 

Grateful that I have this forum tool to help myself in times of high inner distress.

 

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

I've got secrets I can't tell
Whispers echo through this hell
Meet my lips behind the veil
Cause I've got secrets I can't tell
Mother Mary won't you pray for me
Mother Mary why'd your son just leave
Damn the lost & found
Damn this thorny crown
Damn the here & now
Damn this hallowed ground
I've got sins that I can't see
Scars might heal but they still bleed
Nightmares are my only dreams
Cause I've got sins that you can't see
Mother Mary won't you pray for me
Mother Mary why'd your son just leave
Damn the lost & found
Damn this thorny crown
Damn the here & now
Damn this hallowed ground
Damn your preacher's mouth
Damn this thorny crown
Damn the choir's sound
Damn the here & now
Mother Mary won't you pray for me
Mother Mary why'd your son just leave
Damn the lost & found
Damn this thorny crown
Damn the here & now
Damn this hallowed ground

 

Mother Mary Ghost Monroe

 
 
 
 

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

there is so much wrong with me. i felt extremely overwhelmed by something minor yesterday. ontop of the overwhelm from the more important actual real life events that have been stressful recently but that comes on top of what might or might not be real in my head and i am finding it so hard to keep on keeping on an on and on. how is it possible to hold it all together and be like this. theres no relief in the future for someone like me theres only the keeping on keeping on. and constant pressure and loss. cant get through to scbs theres just no help. and i dont have an outloud voice to use. stuck.

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

No one will care if I just disappear. 

Alone in my darkest of hours.

 

 

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

Hey Snowie, 

That sounds really rough. Please know there are many here who care about you. Sitting here with you as you ride out this rough wave and have sent an email to check in. Please take care 💙

Re: Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

Feeling really overwhelmed with a whole lot of emotions right now. Can't stop the tears. Feeling very scared right now. Extremely sick with worry. Why? Why do these things have to happen to good people or to anyone for that matter? Why do we have to endure so much pain and heartache. So much fear and hurt. So much worry and stress. 
This life is nothing but enduring torture and sadness. Disappointment and hurt. I don't know how much I can take anymore. I am scared very very scared. 

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