Lived Experience Forum

[Whitehawk]

Hi there @Millieme 

I have just been reading your post from earier and although it is a 'no responses' threat I thought I would just send you a message of support and to check in with you this evening.

Good on you for posting so courageously about your struggles. It sounds like you are doing it tough.

Pleaase reach out for support off the forum if you need it to keep safe.. The 24 hour helplines include

• Lifeline 
  13 11 14
• Suicide callback service (24 Hrs)
  1300 659 467

warmest regards

Whitehawk

[greenpea]

I have a problem or is it a problem? which stems from my father. He could run hot and cold but mostly a cold man. The fact that my mother stayed with him has coloured my vision of her too. I just dont trust people at all. I just dont like people. I much prefer animals. Does that make me weird? Idk and really dont care either. It is hard wired into me so much that I have passed on my distrust to my children .... does that make me a bad mother? I dont think so it has made me protective over them. I dont want them to be hurt by evil people. I would prefer them to be hyper vigilent than to be suckered in by psychopaths. 

Is this why I want to be a parole officer? surround myself with low lifes? the fact that I am so messed up. You see pea is a messed up chick pea. 

[greenpea]

My son2 who is rough looking at the best of times and 7 foot tall ..... quite imposing really ...... told me the other day that he feels safer walking up to the shops with me, his little middle aged mother, as he feels he is a mongoose surrounded by cobras....

[Molliex]

I'm feeling sad about something I lost that I didn't even know I wanted. 

[Former-Member]

The life is being crushed from me

I can't seem to get enough air to breathe

Head spinning from pain and intense fear

I can hear muffled choked screams

Those screams are coming from me

Why does nobody hear my cries for help?

I have no fight left in me, and I give up

The walls close in, the ceiling descends

I'm fading, mind and body shutting down

A light goes out, and then there's nothing

Hours later I come to and I sense that I'm alone

I'm huddled on the floor in the corner of the room

Though warm, I feel frozen and I'm shaking badly

My head hurts, my insides hurt, my whole body hurts

I don't understand ... I'm confused, afraid, numb

Then I remember, and hot tears begin to fall

And I feel an overwhelming sense of aloneness

Whenever I feel vulnerable, threatened and alone .. this is my recurring nightmare. And when I'm badly triggered as I have been the past couple of weeks, I also get the flashbacks.  It all plays out over and over and over again.  There seems no escape. Will this ever end?

Sherry 💔

[Lee82]

All I want right now is someone to put their arms around me and tell me everything is going to be ok. All I want is to be comforted. A gentle hug. Someone to sit next to me and just be there. I am laying under 3 blankets right Now trying to get the comfort I need from that. How pathetic is that. I am trying to contain all my feeling and my emotions under these blankets but to be completely honest it’s not working. I have had another 2 flashbacks. I am completely and utterly exhausted mentally. I cannot think anymore. Physically I cannot move and honestly I don’t want To move. My head is pounding and I feel really light headed. All I want is to be comforted but I’m afraid I will flinch from the touch that It will trigger me more. I crave it But I’m afraid of it. What a messed up placed to be.

[Wombat888]

Hi all, I am new here but my worry is actually returning to work, and then having to face my work colleagues, as well as the worry about the situation that caused my anxiety and stress at work repeating itself.

I know my worry is probably misplaced, and things will most likely not be as before, but my brain tells me otherwise and my heart starts beating faster.

On top of this, the anxiety and stress increases my blood sugar which makes my diabetes play up.

Neither of these are conducive to good health or recovery.

I know I need to calm myself and stay positive, but how do you tell your mind. 

I just don't know what to do.

[Lee82]

Triggering afternoon. Chest feels like it's going to explode. All I want to do is scream. Son is his spitting image. Trapped in my head. Can't breath. Why can't I ever escape this life. Feel like I'm going to be sick. Flashbacks happening non stop. When will this end. 

[Jynx]

Hey @Lee82 I'm really sorry that this has left you feeling so heavy with overwhelm. I'm going to flick you an email to check in, I'm nearly finished up for the day but I'll be followed by @Jupiter I believe so you'll be in good hands. We are here with you in this difficult time 

[TheVorticon]

I just want to know wtf is wrong with me. It's been long enough, how the hell is it that my psych can't ****ing tell me?!