Lived Experience Forum

[Itwillbeok]

Hi all, I find it really hard when people say stupid things about mental illness.

Yesterday I was on a tram and a teacher and some high school students got on. The teacher asked one of the male students how his girlfriend was. The student said "fine". And then the teacher responded: "Is she still on her medication then?"

When the student looked blank the teacher explained he was making a joke, you know, that in order for the girl to be going out with the student she must need to be on medication, that she was not in charge of her emotions.

I was horrified.

As a woman who is on medication I felt deeply wounded. And I thought, this is a teacher? Someone charged with educating young people? And what about the student, how did he feel being at the receiving end of this "joke"?

Jokes like this hurt. A lot. Here's a great article talking about what to do in such situations:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/06/17/how-to-respond-to-insensitive-remarks-about-mental-...

[JT]

Seems like a pretty crappy teacher to be making insensitive and inappropriate jokes like that to a student if you ask me!  

[Jake]

Hi,

I'm sorry that you were hurt over this, you have every right to feel that way. Often people make 'jokes' at other peoples' expense, but it is never acceptable. I think the 'jokes' that poison us the most are the 'put downs packaged as jokes'. I'm not a psychologist, so I don't know why people do this (I could theorise though that they need to put others down to bolster their own ego).

I assure you that there plenty of dysfunctional people out there that do not have a clinical MI diagnosis, that would not have a clue that their behaviour (yes even in the form of 'jokes') not only could, but does impact on others. 

I have some friends (a married couple) that put each other down all the time in front of me - like yourself I am horrified at the level of poison that is being used (in this case between two people that allegedly 'love each other'). If they do it in front of me, I can only imagine what goes on behind closed doors.

I'm talking about the vicious calculated verbal abuse. The sad thing is, it is often done in front of their children. I am against all forms of violence, but sadly it seems a certain level is tolerated (by couples) in our society for say the sake of the relationship. After all, the logic (theirs, not mine) must be - 'better to be in a dysfunctional relationship than in no relationship').

Regards, Jake

[kenny66]

When i am admitted all the patients including mental health admissions are held in a holding area near the other patients with non mental issues like emergencies like broken bones accidents and all that before being put into their beds. 

Sometimes the non MI patients refer to the "looneys" like me lined up for the mental health ward. You can hear them saying not to get near the "nutty guy" or be carefull or I he will harm them. This is pretty hurtful as I am a really non violent guy and I dont consider myself different to anyone else who is ill.

Also when i have been out with my autistic friend who I take to the supermarket to shop,we have been called a word beginning with R meaning we are mentally challenged, a couple of times (I refuse to say that word!!).  I know this is used to label a lot of other people as well.

We probably make an odd couple at the supermarket though but thats no excuse. We both are very careful not to bug anyone. However for all that, the checkout ladies are really kind to us and on many times other shoppers help us fiind groceries when we get a bit mixed up in the ailes. Most people are not bad though, just some.

[Jake]

Hi Kenny66,

There is no way you have to put up with this sort of behaviour in 2014. Are you able to make a complaint to hospital staff?

The only way we can tackle this sort of stigma is to speak out about it. It is totally unacceptable to be called those sorts of names and I'm sure if there was an independent witness, who also heard you being called those names, it would help to verify what you heard.

I'm sure hospital staff would be able to help you with this terrible situation if you are able to raise the matter with them.

Regards, Jake

[CherryBomb]

Sometimes I forget that some people can be pretty insensitive and/or unaware of how their behaviour can impact on others as I tend to be surrounded by like minded people. So it always feel like a bit of a shock when I hear other people say things that I find extremely unkind. 

The other day I was at a hairdressing salon when one of the staff members made some pretty horrible remarks about a mental health service located nearby. I felt myself get hot underneath the collar and took a few deep breaths before I expressed, as non confrontational as I could, my concern for the need for such services and then explained the possible impacts of what not having these services could lead to. There was an awkward silence there, but I think an alternative perspective to challenge people's perceptions can help. In this case, I'm not sure if I did, but I'm happy that it was said, and it was listened to. Often people, don't understand mental illness, and sometimes when we can explain a bit a about it, it can help people to empathise a little more. 

[Jake]

Hi CB,

Well written, I think in general, people fear what they don't know (the 'unknown') or understand, but sometimes, 'ignorance is bliss'. In other words, you don't have to deal with that which you don't acknowledge.

I'd like to think that these same people, who make flippant remarks about others, might suddenly change their attitude if they find themselves one day with a diagnosis and the remarks are directed at them.

Regards, Jake

[kenny66]

Thanks Jake-your such a nice guy..I actually told my flatmate when he came to visit me when I was in the acute ward, what had happened. He went up and saw the head nurse and told her how upset I was about it. They told him they are going to change the practice of putting us with the other patients as an operational change at admission.( maybe this was going to happen anyway) I guess this is so people cant say bad things to us. Sort of misses the point. People shouldnt say this stuff anyway, but I guess there is no way to control big mouths. I think if any of the nurses hear it for themselves they would boot those guys out.

The customers at the supermarket? well I guess if I was gay or transexual or transgender or black or anything else people have prejudices about then I could come up against insensitive comments as well. As I said on the other hand a lot of the shoppers at the market help us out. My mate has problems with counting and I am OCD as well so we can sort of go off the rails slightly with numbers and quantities. Actually together we tend to make up for each others difficulties in that department when I think about it.. All in all its not something that plays on my mind a lot so I guess thats why it is a bit of a shock if it happens. The nurses at the mental health ward are fantastic and look after me when I am in best I have ever been anywhere. Theay are all supportive and careing.

Thanks

kenny

[Jake]

No worries Kenny, I hate 'bullies' making fun at other people's expense - I have had my own share of being bullied and it is not nice being on the receiving end of it (as you already know).

Regards, Jake

[kenny66]

Thanks Jake

I hope your day/night is good