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Looking after ourselves

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Hello @bearNecessities 

Forum rule prevent mentioning specific services but there are a lot of "depends on" when answering the question. Are you living with the father as a family unit? Is teen a carer for father etc. What are you hoping to achieve from the counseling?

 

If the father is treatment compliant, his treating team might be a good starting point and could explain about the illness and with her father's permission, may answer questions pertinent to his specific situation.  If teen is in some quasi caring role, Carers Australia do have support through the young carers helpline. The carer gateway gives this information.

 

https://www.carergateway.gov.au/support-for-young-carers

 

Some psychologists offer adolescent counseling and you can do a search via their website, some bulk bill with an appropriate mental health plan.

 

https://www.psychology.org.au/Find-a-Psychologist

 

Some places offer family psych education which can be helpful and is shown to help prevent relapse. Attending this with you teen could be helpful to give them support and might prove beneficial in your own relationship to this man. 

 

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Thank you @Darcy for all that information.

It was certainly useful.

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

When we are in it for the long haul it is sustainable when we have healthy habits  and "refuel" regularly. However, even us old hands can have lapses where we ignore the signs and find we are running on empty. 

 

Can I gently encourage each of us to check our gauges and see if we need to take a fuel stop.

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

So true @Darcy .

Checked the fuel guage ... and yep ... its run dry.   

 

Sherry 

 

Image result for running on empy

 

Image result for running on empy

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

@Sherry  sending gentle thoughts your way.

 

I have found that it is not only an understanding what type of fuel is needed, more importantly 

there needs to be a willingness to go out of our way to visit the petrol station.

images - 2019-05-16T100132.673.jpeg

 

download (27).jpeg

 

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Sometimes for us to be willing to visit the service station to refuel is that we need to get angry and this gives us the impetus we need to make changes that will contribute to our own well-being.

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Yes ... granted that there needs to be acknowledgement that fuel is needed.  ✅ @Darcy 

I'm not sure exactly what I need, or how much I can accommodate or willing /able to accept. And even though I need to visit that fuel station, the actuality of getting there, is much less achievable than the realisation of need.

My psych and I discussed some of these things yesterday when I saw her.  All a part of the Carer Burnout things she touched lightly on last time I saw her.  I have to learn to delegate or relinquish responsibility to others on occasion, and not feel I have to do everything myself.  Thats really hard to do.

 

I do agree about volunteering being a good self care thing.  I have been volunteering in an aged care facility for what will be 10 years soon.  Even when I was working 4 days a week, I still did my volunteering on my one day off.  It is good to be doing something for others, things which you can see is appreciated and valued. At home, caring for our loved ones, you dont always get that.  So often we tend to feel that our work and our care goes unappreciated and undervalued.  It means we push ourselves that little bit more to overcompensate for our own perceived inadequacies, and pushing us further towards the burnout phase.  My volunteering of late has been spasmodic, especially while hubby has been so unwell.  I did manage to get there yesterday though ... which was good.  The old lady I visit is always delighted to see me.  She has moderate dementia and never remembers anything, or anyone.  But she always remembers me and my name.  The staff often comment on that, which is very unusual for her.  The poor old dear has had the same table in the dining room for about 2 years now, and never has the slightest idea of where her table is.  Same with her room.  But otherwise, she's a bright and interesting old girl.  And its so nice to see her so delighted to see me each week I manage to get there.  Its good for the soul.

 

@Shaz51 @bearNecessities @Faith-and-Hope  and anyone else reading along.

 

Sherry 

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

@Sherry 

Trust as you explore these things with your psych that refueling options will become clearer to you.

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Hi @Darcy  @Sherry 

 

I like Sherry's comment

'And even though I need to visit that fuel station, the actuality of getting there, is much less achievable than the realisation of need'.

I have often likened this to pushing the car to the service station to fuel up.

Not impossible with some help but may take a while 😊

 

A work in progress here with som rest stops along the way but this discussion along with a gentle nudge from my GP recently has brought it back to the forefront of my thought process so thankyou. 

Highlighted

Re: Partners who chose to stay for the long haul

Sometimes we need to trek to the service station with container in hand,  other times  we might be able to SOS roadside service, at other times we may be fortunate and someone will see our need and bring us out some fuel  ... @Determined  @Sherry 

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