Lived Experience Forum

[GeminiLion]

I am feeling down but not too bad but its there underlying. Dream nap this afternoon with the cat. Working on my computer at the moment before watching old Sliders and getting into painting later. Tomorrow is 1st of May so I have a box full of goals and ambitions.

I'm feeling really lost. I dont write stuff on social media anymore. So hearing people's thoughts here. 

I care for my dad (84yo) and we live a block away from each other. We both got rent rises with his being excessive $38 increase per week (that is a whack on the pension!). We with same rental company. I try and keep my business seperate. Managed to get his rent down to just $25 per week. For the record, mine was just $10 increase. However they changed his lease agreement to just 6 months than the usual 12 months and I questioned why this is, confronted them with the question will they rise his rent again. Got a nasty response saying that if doesnt like it then vacate the premesis in two months and pay the $188 per week rent until does move out. That 6 month lease is because the owners are getting divorce. So I calmly replied that perhaps best to destroy the email as the context on the communication may get you into trouble. Last night (yes during the night!) I got three emails with the first sorry and the other two trying to explain herself that she was just relaying the message. I never replied and there been no communication today.

This is my debacle. I am fine where I am living and rent is good. A new 12th lease with just a small rent rise which was lower than expected as the area rents have been getting tight again. If I live by myself I would be $75 pf better off than living with dad, and better off living by himself at a $20 pf. Based on a typical standard house here being $350 pw. Big problem is dad has an indoor pet so that reduces what he can apply for. From my investigation he would be paying average of $220 - $250 per week for decent unit. This would now mean be worse off up to $50 pf on the higher end.

He is eligible for a retirement style rental avaiable private community village nearby with a little unit and pets are in fact allowed but he is stead fast against it as he thinks it a nursing home

We did live together before. But it was before his retirement. He does my head in mentally. And I like my freedom. I had always hope to have partner, career etc but that just seems like an unachievable dream anyway. People say that I should put myself first. So if I put myself first I should just stay here and gamble that dad's current place works out in the end. If not, worry about it when it comes. 

Thoughts...

[taniaaust1]

Hi, I don't believe someone should give their own life away for anothers, that just makes people feel depressed and stressed.

You also can't force someone to do what they do not want to do though it is a pity your father feels that way about that place you'd like him to go to.

"So if I put myself first I should just stay here and gamble that dad's current place works out in the end. If not, worry about it when it comes. "

You say he's 84..  lots can happen in 6mths esp with elderly people. Maybe he will feel ready to go to that retirement place then or you could meet and have a boyfriend move in with you by then..causing your dad then to prefer the retirement place rather then intruding on you if his rent further goes up.

You could be worrying about something right now that you may not need to worry about.

best wishes to you and your dad.

[GeminiLion]

@taniaaust1 thanks. I think only in the very worse scenario we should live together. E.g. rents go stupid as they did decade ago due to population boom and before extensive overnight building of dwellings. I did a rent chart which is seem quite thorough in comparison if situations. I sent the rental company (only a cc to the woman that was sending emails at night) a request they keep us inform about any selling and what this means for the tenant "ahead of time" (whether they do is different story).

[Appleblossom]

@GeminiLion 

Sorry to hear that divorce acrimony and greed is stressing your father and his accomodation security.

I agree with @taniaaust1 that a lot can happen in 6 months.  I was totally against those places a few years ago and have shifted to being more understanding about the benefits they offer.  Perhpas this is a time to maintain your own position and quality of life and let your father's situation play out as it does and deal with him as a totally separate entity if his current place becomes untenable ....

Take Care

[GeminiLion]

@Appleblossom @taniaaust1 Thanks both. I have sent the leases away to be processed. You both "did" actually help me in past 48hours 

[Ali11]

We're so glad to hear that you were able to get the help you needed here @GeminiLion. There's nothing wrong at all with wanting your independence from your father and you are doing everything possible to look after him. How was your day today?