10-02-2020 05:10 PM
I don't want to go home from work. My partner is sick and in pain which makes him frustrated and angry. There is NO ABUSE of any kind ... I'm just tired and I have nothing to offer him to help.
10-02-2020 10:15 PM
Gusundeit and welcome aboard the forums.
Ritzy, caring can be very tiring and we can feel so very helpless ☹️.
I am wondering what help and support you have. It is ever so important that as carers we look after our own well-being (which has been well documented that we are notoriously good at not doing 😵)
We have a number of discussion threads regarding self care that might interest you such as Carers Hints and tips to Success and 8 dimensions of wellness . We also have a number of social pages covering a number of interests and I am happy to tag you if you let me know of any hobbies you have.
Is Mr Sneeze (can I call your partner this) able to work or do things around home?
11-02-2020 10:10 PM - edited 11-02-2020 10:11 PM
Things were okay when I got home. A good day.
Mr Sneeze is on a full pension, so doesn't work ... but he does pretty much everything around the house - from cleaning to handyman stuff. He has MS, PTSD and some issues still under investigation.
Last year was incredibly difficult, with some bad reactions to medication which almost killed him, appendicitis and injuries from building part of our house. He also thought seriously about suicide.
He has battled and won the fight against drinking, drugs and smoking. He feels guilty about not working. He is 100% against participating in NDIS, as he feels his pension is enough government money for one person.
Some days are good. He can handle it. Other days, he wants to give up. He says if this is all his life will be - is it worth it?
I try to support him. To love him as hard as I can. I take him to every doc appointment. I wrap compression bandages when he asks. But it's not enough.
I feel useless and hopeless. I don't really talk about it outside our home, because I am scared and ashamed. We are private people. I don't want pity. I just needed to tell someone.
12-02-2020 08:32 AM
No need to feel ashamed, we are all human and all go through hills and valleys; despite all of our situations being different, getting some emotional support for ourselves is often necessary. The going can be extremely tough, we often lose ourselves along the way and stop participating in activities that bring us joy but replenish our souls.
The MS Association has info relating to carers along with links to the carer gateway where one can access some carer counseling - that all important someone to talk to.
Yikes Ritzy, our men can be stubborn ... then I realised it is because of his tenacity that Mr Darcy has been able to make it through.
12-02-2020 03:39 PM
When things are hard it can feel like you're stuck on the hamster wheel but I can already see that you've both achieved a lot already.
it's okay to take a break for yourself to recharge. Allow yourself the space.
You said what you are doing isn't enough but you are doing all you can so it is more than enough.
I realised at one point I couldn't be my husbands counsellor any more so we outsourced that to a professional. I still listen to some stuff but it takes the pressure off me.
Good on you for reaching out and getting some support here. I've recently done it too and it feels good to k kw we aren't alone and other people understand.
best wishes to you both
23-02-2020 09:39 AM
Things have been pretty good. He is managing the pain. He's frustrated with the weather right now because he has a project outdoors that he can't do with wet weather around.
I am feeling tense and tired. I feel like I'm waiting for a bomb to drop. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and can't relax.
25-02-2020 09:37 AM
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