Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Determined]

My clutter was one of the big issues my darling raised at couples counselling yesterday. I am hoping that she can see that wuth the rught approach (aka not being too pushy) we can achieve big things.

I do feel sad that my difficulty in letting go of stuff is so hard for her 😳
But making a commitment to try harder for her.

[Determined]

After much thought an a few starts I have decided to close this thread off and start agian with a new thread Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

The new thread is intended to serve the same purpose but is an attempt for me to close off on last year and start fresh, re-committing to some healthy boundaries and self care. 🙂 

[Jobs]

Good evening

Thank you for sharing a very sensitive and personal experience. 

I live in a rural town and finding it extremely difficult to find services and help with a family member with BPD. 

I like the idea of these boundaries. I am having a really difficult time knowing how to deal with the verbal abuse, lack of parenting and stonewalling. 

Maybe I'm trying too hard. 

Any ideas where I could get help in setting some boundaries so I don't have a breakdown? 

[Sirius]

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forum @Jobs.  My name is Sirius, one of the peer support workers here at SANE. It's nice to e-meet you. 😊

I’d like to acknowledge the courage it takes to open up and share your feelings here with the community, as well as acknowledging them within yourself. I'm really sorry you're having a difficult time setting boundaries with a family member right now.

You may find the following resources helpful:

• Exploring Borderline Personality Disorder
• Help for family, friends and carers

But if you're open to the suggestion, perhaps contacting the SANE's free counselling support online or on 1800 187 263, might be better suited for receiving one to one support. The SANE counselling service is available Monday to Friday, 10am - 10pm (AEST).

Also, the thread that you've replied to has been re-opened here.

I'm also going to tag in a few forumites that might be able to share some pearls of wisdom in this area. @Determined @soul @Appleblossom @Smc 

I'm really glad you reached out @Jobs  and I hope the wonderful forumites are able to further support you.

Sirius✨

[Determined]

Hi @Jobs 

Apologies for the slow response.

I actually had a lot of support and encouragement from a counsellor with the boundaries. I was hesitant and even resistive to begin with but the counsellor helped me to understand that boundaries actually created security.

I would recommend finding a counsellor to discuss this with. Don't be afraid to try again if at first you don't succeed. It took me more than  1 try to find someone I could connect with.

We also kicked off our boundaries journey while my darling was in hospital. (Private mental health ward). The benefit in this for us was that my darling was in a safe space with support. And her assigned nurse was great in working through them with darling in how this was a good thing and that I obviously cared. 

I struggled early on to be consistent

 Mostly because I felt bad 'making rules' for my wife. But again with help from the counsellor found that it was not about rules but creating an environment of security for my wife. 

For us it was a long road but worth the effort

Most importantly get some support for you. And encourage your loved one if they are not already to get some support. 

Hope this helps